Take it with a grain of salt.

So you think you just might be ready to have your own spawn and do your part to multiply and replenish the earth?  Hear the biological clock bonging in your head?  Desire the little pitter patter of tiny feet around your home?  Here are a few things I recommend to try out, and see if you're ready.

Rent some barnyard animals, go ahead and leave the backdoor open and allow them to roam freely.
Turn on Calliou, Sid the Science Kid, or Dora the Explorer (or any other high pitched voice where they have had a voice actor get hopped up on meth and helium) and turn it way up and leave it there for 3 hours straight.
Be sure to turn it up full blast though when you're on an important phone call.  It's ok if this makes the barnyard animals want to chew on your furniture.
Wrestle a greased pig in the bathtub, and drop your cell phone in the toilet.
Attempt to diaper that greased pig.
Dump out a bag of flour in your kitchen and living room.  While you're cleaning that up, have someone stomp grapes into your living room rug, and smear some oatmeal on the walls.
Have you smashed your head in the fridge door yet?  Great - proceed...
Have a neighbor come get into your bed in the middle of the night.  Make sure they sleep with his/her feet on your face, grinds their teeth, and backhands you every time they move.
Set off an alarm to go off every 47 minutes during the night.
Practice functioning off 4 hours of sleep per night.
Sit on a cactus while clamping down on each nipple for 20 minutes.  Practice this during the night, too.
Play an audio tape of Spongebob Squarepants in your car on high volume when driving anywhere.
Have someone ask you what you're doing and why every 3 minutes.
Cook a delicious meal.  Promptly pour half of it straight down the drain/garbage disposal.
Buy all of your clothes 2 sizes too small, and try to put them on every single morning anyway.
Learn how to open things such as fruit snacks with your teeth or one hand.
Suckle a honeybadger.
Put your favorite outfit on - likely the only one that fits - and immediately dump a fresh bowl of oatmeal all over it.
Are you frothing at the mouth yet?  Wait til I get started...
Go to the grocery store with greasy hair and your fly down the entire time, and dont buy half the stuff you need.  Don't wear makeup either, thats just showing off.
Dump out some Jacks, Legos, dried bread crusts, a half eaten banana, and some nails/screws interspersed throughout your house and couch cushions.  Make sure you step or sit on them.
Play David Lee Roth on your radio for six straight hours a day.  You're now allowed to self-inflict at this point.  Feel free to scream every time David Lee Roth does, though.  You can even add some Hannah Montana in for variety.
Make sure one of those farm animals ruins your favorite purse.
Twist all of your lipsticks and chapsticks all the way up and then squish the lid down in them, but don't wipe it off when it's oozing out - just jam it back down into your purse.
Let a lion use your gut as a scratching post - get used to that shredded look.
Have I harmed your in any way?  That is not my intention...

Notice how I am still alive, people.  You know why I (or most other mothers for that matter) haven't jumped off a cliff yet?  Because these little critters inflicting such life-changing monumental change on our lives are the source of such Love and Adoration that we'd do anything for them!  My kids are my life, and even though they drive me bat-sharts-crazy on a daily basis, somehow they have changed my life for the better, and helped me put things into perspective.  Life isn't all about me anymore!
Being a mother is the hardest job - like doing the work of twenty for free - but there is a reason it just keeps happening all through time and all over the world...
The reason is how I feel when I see this..

 or this...

 or this!

 or this..

 or this...

 or this..

Yep - it's all worth it.